Monday, August 23, 2010


I'm really lame about starting new things. I decided that as another motivation, even if no one is reading, I should really start writing about exercise and food in this journal. No one is reading so it's a relatively safe space (although I'm sure people will find me in no time and say rude things, right?)

I started realizing there was a problem in 2003 soon after we were married. I went off the pill but my period never returned. I started gaining weight (which is probably a lot to do with how we were eating, but anyways) and my period was non-existent. I'd take pregnancy test after pregnancy test with no luck. My OBGYN in Kalamazoo told me that it was just because I was still coming off the pill and tested my thyroid.

By 2005 I was 210 lbs. My period was still super irregular and I felt disgusting. I also wanted to try to get pregnant (not that we'd been avoiding) but it seemed like the next logical step would be to talk to my doctor about it. That's when I learned I had PCOS. (polycystic ovarian syndrome) I remember having some very painful periods in college but nothing was painful enough to go to the doctor (i just assumed I had really bad cramps) but when I had an ultrasound done on my ovaries the both showed scarring from burst cysts. I was put on metformin and told to lose weight.

Ah, losing weight. such a struggle. At the time my desire was to get pregnant. I was charting my periods and also offered clomid to try to help things out. I started Weight Watchers and combined with the metformin I managed to lose 40lbs. the best thing out of that was I found out I was pregnant with Landon!

the bad news about being pregnant with Landon was that I was still overweight. as someone with a family history of diabetes and also PCOS, I ended up with gestational diabetes at 14 weeks. my insurance denied me diabetic classes, so I had to learn through trial and error. I ended up developing severe pre-eclampsia at 36 weeks and had a 4-day induction, that resulted in a healthy baby and no cesarean, but I was very sick for a long time. The best part about the diabetes was that I had to resume measuring out my food and watching carbs. I gained 27lbs with Landon and ended up exactly the same as before I was pregnant. Not many woman can say that I think.

In summer of 2008 I found myself pregnant again. It wasn't planned but it was welcomed! my weight was a bit higher than I had been pre-Landon. I thought I worked so hard I could have some freedom for a year after he was born and just be at 175-sh. By his birthday I was in the 180s. I lost weight and started WW again , but stopped when I found out I was pregnant. With Oliver, I gained 12 lbs and was unbelievably strict about my food and carb intake. I was actually accused of having a carbohydrate phobia when I was in the hospital. I ended up with pre-eclampsia/HELLP syndrome and lived in the hospital from 32 weeks - 35 weeks when I had him. I wasn't scared of the carbohydrates, but I'm deathly afraid of needles (specifically injections, i can handle blood draws fine). if I couldn't control my blood sugar with medication and diet, insulin was next and I DID NOT WANT THAT. However, I had to have insulin shots when I entered the hospital because they gave me steroid injections and it raised my blood sugar to extreme points. I complained and was a terror to the nurses and staff because no one could explain anything to me. eventually a dietician was called who asked me if I was afraid of carbs, and I told her that I just felt that they were giving me far too many with my meal and was hoping to pick my own foods. she denied the request, but also let me have snacks (which they hadn't been sending me...) . When I re-entered the hospital about a week later, I again freaked at the amount of carbs on the "diabetic" diet. eventually one of the doctors let me pick my own meals, and was SHOCKED at how much better my blood sugar was. What can I say? I know my pregnant body. This pregnancy I wasn't nearly as sick, but I also felt again like I deserved a break and I took one.

When Oliver turned 1, I weighed myself and noticed I was 187lbs. HOLY CRAP! that is 20 lbs more than I was after I gave birth. Something had to change. Before I was very good with the Points system, but I wasn't eating healthy foods, NOW Weight Watchers didn't seem like it would work for me and I turned to I learned a lot about nutrition and just how much it affected your body. This time the blood pressure issues didn't go away (they did for a bit but showed back up a few months ago). I really focused on what I was putting in my body. This worked well and I lost 20 lbs relatively quickly. I think by February I was showing signs of 160s. but I got lazy. I started noticing I could splurge and still lose a bit of weight. Then I got complacent and thought (wow! I'm skinner than ever before) and now I'm officially plateau'd at 164lbs. I've been around this weight for weeks.

This time has been different. I joined the gym and I think I go pretty regularly, but definitely less than 3x a week. I fell in and out of running and resumed it recently. I really like running. What I don't like is forcing my kids to go to the gym (although they always have fun!) and I use them as an excuse.

After a recent discussion with my doctor I've decided enough is enough. She suggested I do cardio daily for my mental health. particularly interval training with cardio and also not to forget strength training. She's an exercise/running nut and I really like her advice.

I let myself wallow for two weeks. I ate what I wanted and I didn't gain, but I was secretly psyching up myself for the battle I'm about to partake.

I signed up for my first 5k on September 11, 2010 in my town of Mebane, NC. I'm excited and nervous. I'm running with very athletic friends. I know I can run 3.1 miles without stopping and I'm proud of myself for that accomplishment. But i need to burn calories, work my heart and help my mind with physical activity. I'm back to counting calories (with lots of mistakes) and working on making this a lifestyle choice and not punishment.

I'm excited and ready for this journey. I know I can lose the 30 lbs I need to and maybe more. I'm recording everything in hopes it will keep me motivated.

I'm off to the gym now!

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